"Man In The Mirror" - Michael Jackson

September gave way to finally feeling like we were back on our own.  The excitement of a new house and a new baby was over.  We now got to start "enjoying" our new things.  The baby was pretty easy, the house was a different story.  It's hard to be first time home owners with your personal handy-man (your Dad) thousands of miles away...

We worked on our first "remodel" project sans our personal handy-man.  This activity proved that my husband is my hero...I love my new cabinet.  It does look a little out of place and obvious, but I think with some love, paint, and creativity I can make it look pretty.

We have those homeowner chores like taking care of the lawn...

 I've come to realize that I may really like having two kids.  So far, they're pretty sweet to each other.

 

And now to the "serious" part of the blog...

I got involved in a group on post (PWOC- protestant women of the chapel) and I've really enjoyed meeting the women that attend the bible study every week.  It's become a really good adult-time escape for me.  Well, the day we schedule the car to get winterized is the same morning as PWOC, bummer.  I didn't let that stop me!  I have a stroller and the car care center is across the street from the hospital (where we need to drop Chad for work) and 1.1 miles from the chapel.  Totally doable.  I woke up that morning to find it was raining-of course.  We started the long day by dropping Chad off at work and grabbing breakfast at the hospital DFAC.  I chatted with my Mom and Caitlin kept herself entertained by lining all her books along the edge of the table.  It's moments like these that make me really proud of her-so simple I know...

She got paci because I wanted to make sure she stayed happy in a stroller for 1.1 miles.

Miles did awesome, the walk was pretty chilly, but I managed.  We made it to PWOC on time, but this being our 2nd or 3rd time, Caitlin wasn't convinced that this was a place for her.  She told me as we walked in that she didn't want to play with the other kids.  Great.  Well, I coaxed her into the toddler play room and sneaked out when she wasn't looking.  Big mistake.  She cried enough that they workers came to get me.  I tried to talk with her, but all she wanted to do was go home-the last thing I wanted to do, or even could do! (I didn't have a car, home was about 3 miles away...)  And I didn't want to let her win, I got super angry.  Looking back on this moment, I wonder what I actually looked like on the outside, but I was feeling pretty ugly on the inside.  At this time Miles was about 2.5-3 months old, and not sleeping long periods of time like I was hoping, so I was over tired.  Caitlin started screaming at the top of her lungs, in my attempt to quiet her and not interrupt PWOC, I stuck her in the breezeway.  Alone.  I watched her watch me through the glass doors and just scream at me.  I didn't know what to do.  So I started packing up the stroller, I tucked Miles in, grabbed our blankets and put on my wet coat, I didn't know where we were going, but I wasn't going to sit here in a chapel and be screamed at by a 2.5yr old.  As I fought to buckle Caitlin in something happened that I will hold on to as one of those "life saving moments".  A woman I had never met approached me and asked if we were leaving, when I attempted to smile and say yes without crying, she asked if she could take Caitlin to the pre-school room.  (She must have heard me trying to reason with Caitlin).  Somehow Caitlin was okay with it, she took Sam's hand and walked back into the chapel.  I stood there, nerves raw, and a little annoyed that someone else was able to fix the problem.  But deeply grateful at the same time.  I couldn't walk back into the sanctuary, I was still a ball of tears.  Someone else came to my rescue.  Someone I had talked with only a couple times prior to this day, the first time was on my first day at PWOC when I was 38 weeks pregnant.  Carrie walked out to me, gave me a hug, and stood next to me while I cried it out.  Little did I know, she would become one of my very good friends here at Ft. Wainwright :).  I share this story because it was a very raw and honest part of my journey to get to where we are in Alaska.  Just when I think I know it all (like I ever could), it's always my kids that show me otherwise.  It's humbling and hard to swallow most of the time.  During the deployment, I tried hard to not sugar coat my bad days and to not over dramatize them as well-I continue that here.  I got the "how are you doing" question often during the deployment and I wanted to be honest and transparent.  Be the change you want to see in the world, right?