Day 13. February 13th 2014

This kid's sick again...AGAIN.  ugh.  He needs fresh dirt.  And fresh air.  Two things you wouldn't necessarily would be in high demand in Alaska.  The dirt makes sense, it's frozen 8 months out of the year and completely covered in freaking snow 6 months out of the year.  But you'd think (at least I did before we got here) the air would be unimaginably fresh and clear and just crystal amazingness.  It is - when you're not in the Interior of Alaska...aka Fairbanks.  Bleh.  We're stuck in a valley and the constant vehicle engine running and wood stove burning (especially wet wood) kills our air.  KILLS IT.  It's sad, we have one of the worst air qualities in the country...pitiful. 

But, this was supposed to be a non-complaining, find-something-happy blog.  My happy is this kid, and the cat.  I love this cat.  I claim to not on many occasions, not as many as my Hubs, but in all actuality, this cat is a really awesome feline.  Our biggest problem is that he waits until we leave the room to jump on the counter or table...he loves people, loves to play fetch, his other downfall is that he must sleep on my knees.  Not any other body part, always my knees...but I digress.  He's a sweetheart and has finally accepted that Miles isn't out to kill him and if Marvin gives the kid a chance it turns into a nice cuddle session. 

Here's to the start of a beautiful friendship :)

Day 12. February 12th 2014

This is our local playground.  2 blocks from our house.  Do you see the moose?  :)

Day 11. February 11th 2014

I'm really proud of myself for this picture.  Well, not the actual picture, the situation surrounding this picture.  I have recorded two videos with a couple fancy frames and music and everything that are going to (hopefully) jump-start my yoga business.  A business that I hope will reach all over the world :)  I realized after I took an Essential Oil application technique training a few weeks ago, that I want to make people feel better.  That's what I want to do with my life.  Make others happy.  I think yoga is a good start.

P.S. If you want to YOGA with me, follow Journey Naturally YOGA on Google + ...just a little plug ;-)

Day 10. February 10th 2014

This is my college BFF's new baby gift...in awesome shape, huh?  As mad as I could be about this situation, I'm not one bit angry!  Everything inside was intact and accounted for, and it actually made it's way back to me.  I mailed this to her back in November and had given up hope and was super bummed and disgusted that someone would keep the gift for themselves!

A little faith restored back to humanity :)  And Little Kendall will get her fun gifts!  - as soon as I get this sucker back in the mail to the proper address!!

Thanks for not failing me Alaska USPS (most people have massive complaints about them). 

Day 9. Februrary 9th 2014

In all my complaining about Alaska, I had to remind myself today how we got here.  It was by our own decision and I need to shut my mouth.  I'm lucky enough to spend every moment up here knowing we are deployment free while we are in Alaska.  By choosing to come up here, Chad has gotten to see all the 1st's that he missed with Bug.  He was even the one to see Miles walk for the first time.  I remind my yogi's almost every class to strive for the balance between the two opposite stretches I just put them in.  It seems really applicable to just about every other life scenario.  We made a hard sacrifice, geographically and physically (-40 degrees hurts!), but we gained something beautiful.  And nothing is really permanent.  When we gain back our geographic sacrifice by moving closer to our family, we make another sacrifice giving up the beauty of the summers up here and the amazing connections we have made with people up here. 

Balance.  Find it.  Enjoy it. Move on :)

"I love what comes, and I love what goes."

Day 8. February 8th 2014

Baby loves his salsa...no chips needed.

Now for a happy story:

I had a yogi grab me after class and tell me a story about his father-in-law who at 86 suffered a very rough last couple of days (recently) due to the muscle crippling disease ALS.  His FIL had been a devout yogi for the last year or so of his life and it became a big part of his life.  It gave him a freedom over the disease and a comforting power over his body again.  Within 24 hours of his last breath this gentleman asked to get out of bed and stand.  With much assistance from the nurses and his walker he got his feet on the ground.  My yogi (the gentleman's son-in-law) told him to "find all 4 corners of his feet", he wiggled his slippers.  "Mountain Pose" and the tired old man stood as erect as he could with his chin held high.

Oh my own heart swelled in my chest and tears welled up in my eyes and the corners of my mouth stretched to my ears with this supremely happy thought now on my heart.  I'm so incredibly lucky to know this man and to have this job where people feel connected enough to share these incredibly awesome stories with me.

We're coming up on the 1 year anniversary of my Grandma's death.  She would have turned 91.  Her body betrayed her years and years before she died.  She struggled psychically with osteoporosis and it hurt us all to see how much pain she was in on a daily basis.  If only I had known more about yoga those years ago, maybe she could have some of that empowering feeling of still being in control of her body even for a split second.  I can't imagine the feeling that you're body is no longer yours, you have nothing left to control, you're a the mercy of a failing system...how sad.  But so very uplifting to think about my yogi's father-in-law and to know he got to feel that control and power just one last time.

Stand tall today.  Love your body, take care of it. 

Day 7. February 7th 2014

In the single week I have actively searched on a daily basis for things that make me smile, I see hundreds upon hundreds of things that show me how blessed and lucky I am to live the life I have.  I am taking part in a month long yoga challenge to perform certain poses that "open your heart" and this day's pose was Seal.  Bug was including seal sounds with her pose.  This picture speaks millions of words to me about how happy my world is.  Forget the fact I fail to make dinner 40% of the nights in a week, forget that I only get to shower 3-4 times in a week because I feel so overwhelmed with my daily tasks.  Forget all that stupid stuff. I have these incredible kids that are spitting images of myself and this amazing guy who chose to put up with my idiotic moods and hormones.  Who are happy to be silly and are receptive to being healthy and taking care of themselves and loving others. 

True Love :)

Day 6. February 6th 2014

As irritated as I am that we got a foot of snow (remember yesterday's picture...see how clear the road is???), it will never fail to be beautiful.  With zero wind, our trees will stay perfectly encased in soft fluffy snow for days sometimes weeks.  A pristine winter wonderland.

...until...

...someone gets too excited about all the fluffy new snow...boys will be boys...Mom still got her relaxing bath that night, so I wasn't too annoyed to have to pull him out of the ditch ;-)

Day 5. February 5th 2014

 Our sun is coming back.  It's such a relief.  You prepare for it, and mentally tell yourself it's not a big deal.  MIND OVER MATTER.  Oh, it's not that easy.  Everyone is happy to see that golden sun earlier and earlier every day :)

I got to deep clean the upstairs (which NEVER fails to make me smile) and came across this bad boy.  Some awesome memories from just a short time ago.  One of the rare occasions the love of my life can let loose and relax and be silly.  When he is happy so is this girl!

Day 4. February 4th 2014

These two will never fail to make my heart happy.  Whew!

Day 3. February 3rd 2014

A turning point.
A gentle curve in a long boring straight road.
A break in the clouds.
A cushioned bench on a really long up hill walk.

 
Call it what you will, but today was a GOOD day.  A relief.

Bug had an incredibly successful 1st FULL day at school (7 hours worth).  Mom felt a touch guilty that I was sending her away like a rebellious teen getting sent to boarding school since I recognized her growing boredom of being at home in the mornings...maybe she was craving more Mom-time...  But then I realized as the day progressed, how little attention the Little Man had been missing out on.  We had conversations about pots and pans, and laundry, and we named everything we touched all day long.  I was able to get so much done during the day (housework and Journey Naturally work) that after I got Bug home from school I was free to spend more time with her than before! 

I'm taking this as reassurance that sometimes a path beginning with nerves doesn't always mean your gut is telling you it's the wrong path.  I need to learn to trust better.  If anyone includes me in their prayers, I request you send some up for my ability to learn to trust and have better faith.

Practice makes permanent, especially during the harder times!

Day 2. February 2nd 2014

I think today I truly didn't want to smile. It seemed cliche to do so...sadly.  Or maybe it didn't feel genuine because I was feeling so bitter in general.  At one point I found myself thinking, "how can I enjoy this if no one else has actively told me they enjoy me or what I've done all day?"  Wow.  Looking back on the day I deserved a big slap in the face.  Where does this pride come from?  Pride that isn't rooted in someone else, ugly pride in myself that has turned into entitlement...gross.  It's probably a good thing I didn't blog this day, and slept on these emotions a bit.  Because with a fresh mind I can tell myself there's nothing wrong with these emotions, they are normal and expected.  It's what we do with the emotions that bury us.  It's a good thing I didn't do anything to intensely, my actions probably would have been really misplaced if I had tried with much effort.  And now I'll stop beating myself up, because I know everyone has these days, we are allowed.  It's just a learning curve as to whether we can recognize it and react accordingly and appropriately. 

I couldn't be more thankful that I have a family that is patient and loves me!

The Start Of A New Journey

As a family we have been handed a huge plate of options, neither of which I'm thrilled about (all for different reasons of course), and this giant plate has become the source of much indecision and heart ache, and I can feel it starting to weigh me down. I'm sure these many new options will rear their ugly heads in due time as I sift through them one at a time...

Until I can wrap my head around this new and unnerving path we seem to be facing I'm going to make sure I can still smile, and recognize goodness and love and all those little things that make putting up with plates of crap situations well worth it in the end.

From experience I know that if I practice it, my mind and body will make it permanent. So on to practice. The practice of "hunting the good stuff" as the Army calls it. I just call it being optimistic. Monty Python has a catching little jingle that comes to mind - about always looking on the bright side of life (or death). If you know British humor, you are whistling the tune now...

My morning was trash, actually the spiral started Thursday when a very good friend fell and broke her arm. It just set in motion a feeling of slipping behind, unable to hold onto the commitments I have made to God, my family, friends, clients, and myself...but I had friends show their support by (whether they knew it or not) conveniently offering what I needed. Some of these friends were just down the road, others were thousands of miles away. But the offer to sit quietly with my husband and not worry whether someone was going to throw a fork across the table during dinner was perfect. Knowing my kids were equally happy was a weight off my shoulders.

And watching those friends whom I've built a history with over the years give something that I love a try even at the risk of looking silly, even if it's more for their benefit really, I found the attempt to relate to my love of yoga uplifting. I'm sure no one took a picture of their rear end specifically to make me smile, but it made me smile. Thank you for your selflessness :)