I think today I truly didn't want to smile. It seemed cliche to do so...sadly. Or maybe it didn't feel genuine because I was feeling so bitter in general. At one point I found myself thinking, "how can I enjoy this if no one else has actively told me they enjoy me or what I've done all day?" Wow. Looking back on the day I deserved a big slap in the face. Where does this pride come from? Pride that isn't rooted in someone else, ugly pride in myself that has turned into entitlement...gross. It's probably a good thing I didn't blog this day, and slept on these emotions a bit. Because with a fresh mind I can tell myself there's nothing wrong with these emotions, they are normal and expected. It's what we do with the emotions that bury us. It's a good thing I didn't do anything to intensely, my actions probably would have been really misplaced if I had tried with much effort. And now I'll stop beating myself up, because I know everyone has these days, we are allowed. It's just a learning curve as to whether we can recognize it and react accordingly and appropriately.
I couldn't be more thankful that I have a family that is patient and loves me!
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