Day 7. February 7th 2014

In the single week I have actively searched on a daily basis for things that make me smile, I see hundreds upon hundreds of things that show me how blessed and lucky I am to live the life I have.  I am taking part in a month long yoga challenge to perform certain poses that "open your heart" and this day's pose was Seal.  Bug was including seal sounds with her pose.  This picture speaks millions of words to me about how happy my world is.  Forget the fact I fail to make dinner 40% of the nights in a week, forget that I only get to shower 3-4 times in a week because I feel so overwhelmed with my daily tasks.  Forget all that stupid stuff. I have these incredible kids that are spitting images of myself and this amazing guy who chose to put up with my idiotic moods and hormones.  Who are happy to be silly and are receptive to being healthy and taking care of themselves and loving others. 

True Love :)

Day 6. February 6th 2014

As irritated as I am that we got a foot of snow (remember yesterday's picture...see how clear the road is???), it will never fail to be beautiful.  With zero wind, our trees will stay perfectly encased in soft fluffy snow for days sometimes weeks.  A pristine winter wonderland.

...until...

...someone gets too excited about all the fluffy new snow...boys will be boys...Mom still got her relaxing bath that night, so I wasn't too annoyed to have to pull him out of the ditch ;-)

Day 5. February 5th 2014

 Our sun is coming back.  It's such a relief.  You prepare for it, and mentally tell yourself it's not a big deal.  MIND OVER MATTER.  Oh, it's not that easy.  Everyone is happy to see that golden sun earlier and earlier every day :)

I got to deep clean the upstairs (which NEVER fails to make me smile) and came across this bad boy.  Some awesome memories from just a short time ago.  One of the rare occasions the love of my life can let loose and relax and be silly.  When he is happy so is this girl!

Day 4. February 4th 2014

These two will never fail to make my heart happy.  Whew!

Day 3. February 3rd 2014

A turning point.
A gentle curve in a long boring straight road.
A break in the clouds.
A cushioned bench on a really long up hill walk.

 
Call it what you will, but today was a GOOD day.  A relief.

Bug had an incredibly successful 1st FULL day at school (7 hours worth).  Mom felt a touch guilty that I was sending her away like a rebellious teen getting sent to boarding school since I recognized her growing boredom of being at home in the mornings...maybe she was craving more Mom-time...  But then I realized as the day progressed, how little attention the Little Man had been missing out on.  We had conversations about pots and pans, and laundry, and we named everything we touched all day long.  I was able to get so much done during the day (housework and Journey Naturally work) that after I got Bug home from school I was free to spend more time with her than before! 

I'm taking this as reassurance that sometimes a path beginning with nerves doesn't always mean your gut is telling you it's the wrong path.  I need to learn to trust better.  If anyone includes me in their prayers, I request you send some up for my ability to learn to trust and have better faith.

Practice makes permanent, especially during the harder times!

Day 2. February 2nd 2014

I think today I truly didn't want to smile. It seemed cliche to do so...sadly.  Or maybe it didn't feel genuine because I was feeling so bitter in general.  At one point I found myself thinking, "how can I enjoy this if no one else has actively told me they enjoy me or what I've done all day?"  Wow.  Looking back on the day I deserved a big slap in the face.  Where does this pride come from?  Pride that isn't rooted in someone else, ugly pride in myself that has turned into entitlement...gross.  It's probably a good thing I didn't blog this day, and slept on these emotions a bit.  Because with a fresh mind I can tell myself there's nothing wrong with these emotions, they are normal and expected.  It's what we do with the emotions that bury us.  It's a good thing I didn't do anything to intensely, my actions probably would have been really misplaced if I had tried with much effort.  And now I'll stop beating myself up, because I know everyone has these days, we are allowed.  It's just a learning curve as to whether we can recognize it and react accordingly and appropriately. 

I couldn't be more thankful that I have a family that is patient and loves me!

The Start Of A New Journey

As a family we have been handed a huge plate of options, neither of which I'm thrilled about (all for different reasons of course), and this giant plate has become the source of much indecision and heart ache, and I can feel it starting to weigh me down. I'm sure these many new options will rear their ugly heads in due time as I sift through them one at a time...

Until I can wrap my head around this new and unnerving path we seem to be facing I'm going to make sure I can still smile, and recognize goodness and love and all those little things that make putting up with plates of crap situations well worth it in the end.

From experience I know that if I practice it, my mind and body will make it permanent. So on to practice. The practice of "hunting the good stuff" as the Army calls it. I just call it being optimistic. Monty Python has a catching little jingle that comes to mind - about always looking on the bright side of life (or death). If you know British humor, you are whistling the tune now...

My morning was trash, actually the spiral started Thursday when a very good friend fell and broke her arm. It just set in motion a feeling of slipping behind, unable to hold onto the commitments I have made to God, my family, friends, clients, and myself...but I had friends show their support by (whether they knew it or not) conveniently offering what I needed. Some of these friends were just down the road, others were thousands of miles away. But the offer to sit quietly with my husband and not worry whether someone was going to throw a fork across the table during dinner was perfect. Knowing my kids were equally happy was a weight off my shoulders.

And watching those friends whom I've built a history with over the years give something that I love a try even at the risk of looking silly, even if it's more for their benefit really, I found the attempt to relate to my love of yoga uplifting. I'm sure no one took a picture of their rear end specifically to make me smile, but it made me smile. Thank you for your selflessness :)