"Up!" - Shania Twain

On Monday (the 9th) I received a phone call from my OB nurse who had finally reviewed my latest ultrasound.  I knew immediately it wasn't going to be great news-she doesn't call to see what I had for lunch...

At this point, it's not horrible news.  But I have been diagnosed with partial placenta previa (I won't go into the details of what it is, the link will explain if you're in need of a diagram...).  It won't be horrible news (in my book) until 4 weeks or so from now, and that's if my placenta doesn't move "north" by then, allowing for a natural birth.  C-sections have always scared me.  I'm just such a big believer in things happening the way they should, granted I'm not saying I want to attempt to have this child without medical interference at the risk of my own life...I'm just going to be a mess mentally if we are faced with the complications that will result if my placenta doesn't take a hike.

So what does this mean now?  Well, in vague terms - pelvic rest.  It's bed rest, but I don't have to be in bed.  I haven't had any issues so far in the last 23 weeks, so my rest might be a little more lenient.  Probably no more walking just to walk, it really means no more of the mile jogs that I've been doing :(.  I will probably have a lifting weight restriction, which could be anywhere from 5-10lbs.  Bug is going to be disappointed.

Anyway, I won't know my exact limitations are until a couple days from now when I get to talk with my nurse.  It's all just a little disheartening.  Things were going to swimmingly, and this was kind of the last thing we needed 3 weeks out from starting our PCS.

Is there joy in this journey????  I get another ultrasound in 4 weeks...?  This will be definitely be a lesson in patience and learning how to let go of worry, which whether I like it or not, will be good for me.  And down the line I'll look back and be glad I didn't ruin 3 weeks of my life with my family stressing out over something I have absolutely no control over.  Is that a stretch?  I feel like I'm reaching a little bit, but I guess if you want joy you have to work for it, huh?  Find it and make it if it's not right in front of your face - that's the struggle we face in today's world.  No one wants to work for Joy, they would rather settle for living without it.

So, here we go, 3 weeks of finding Joy while moving in slow motion!

   

"Dogs" (The Girl That Does Yoga) - Damien Rice

The alarm goes off at 0430 on Friday morning.  It could be graduation day for us!  Us being the 8 other women that I have had the pleasure of getting to know very well over the last 7 days-and will miss immensely.  And graduation from Lex Gillan's Yoga Teacher Training in Houston, Tx. 

I groggily get ready for the day, make some chai tea, pack my "school bag".  Grab the car keys and my lunch and head out into the foggy morning to meet my new car pool friend.  I got very lucky to find that one of the girls in the course lived right by my Aunt and Uncle (where we were staying for the week) and was happy to carpool for the week too and from class.  I was thrilled to have an experienced Houston highway driver to navigate the HOV lanes and toll roads, especially on the way home every afternoon at 4:30!

Rose and I pulled into the Texas Medical Institute of Spirituality and Health at about 6am, we had 50 min to kill before our meditation, so I practiced teaching my three asanas (sanskrit term for poses if you were curious), and quized myself on the 8 limbs of yoga.

I offered to be the "official" photographer for the class, so instead of following instruction as each person led their own mini yoga class, I got to stand back and look at the whole picture-literally :)  It gave me the chance to reflect on my last 7 days there.  As hard as it was to get up at 4:30 every morning, leave my little girl sleeping without a hug and kiss until I got back at dinner, and sit on the floor all day trying to absorb everything I possibly could, I wouldn't have changed a thing.  The mountains of knowledge and wisdom we learned from Lex over the last week was well worth the slight discomfort my butt reminded me of every morning.

I love learning.  I miss college.  And not the online courses, but sitting in a classroom listening to someone passionately speak about something they know inside and out.  Yoga is Lex and Lex is yoga.  I never dreamed that when I signed up for the fitness yoga class back in 2004 as a sophomore in college that I'd be in the place 8 years later that I could be that instructor.  I could drone on and on about what yoga is (most people don't know there is so much more to it than just stretching) and all the business details we learned about opening our own studio, but I'll wait until someone directly asks me for it, then I'll unleash the flood gate :)


I do want to own my own studio someday down the line.  I want to call it Journey Yoga.  Fitting, huh?  Or maybe the Joy of Yoga...I guess it depends on what's available when the day comes.  But I'm so very excited to start building the blueprint for this professional and spiritual journey that I know I'm going to depart on someday.

Namaste.

"On The Bumpy Road to Love" - Judy Garland

When I get too caught up with myself, the world does a pretty good job at reminding me that it's not all about just me.  I'm not the only one who struggles in finding the joy in some of the journeys in life.  And as a Mom, I also have the responsibility of helping that small child of ours find joy in every mini journey she goes through.  It's so much more important for her to enjoy her journeys as a toddler than it is for me at this stage in my life.  My world view is already shaped, hers is not.  I want it to be second nature for her to see the happiness and the good in some of the worst scenarios she will encounter as she grows up.

Potty training has proven to be a bumpy road for us.  No one is finding the joy in this learning journey...  And Mom will take full credit for that.  We were going strong, about four months before Dad redeployed.  But at this time, I was more or less playing around with it, I knew it was early, but she seemed to really be grasping the concept.  And then Dad came home, and we had a big long vacation, and then the holidays hit, and it seemed we completely regressed to the opposite spectrum.  We spent a week fighting anything potty related, followed that with a nasty yeast rash, and we have followed that up with possibly being okay with diaper changes again.  Talk about full circle.  I'm hesitant to say we're making any progress b/c things change so quickly with this kid.   

I'm trying to remind myself to stay calm and not stress out over such things.  The past few years have taught me that things fall easily into place the way they are meant to be without much effort if we just let them.  I think I may need to paint "Find the Joy" on every wall in our next home as a constant reminder.  New home decor?...:)

"On My Way" - Phil Collins

I feel like I can finally say our Alaskan Journey has begun!  Even though we've been "off the record" planning for a good couple of weeks now-things just got really official.

Chad's leave request was approved, so we now know what day we are pulling out of the driveway for the last time.  Since we know that date, we counted to 30 and picked the closest ferry departure date to the end of our leave.  We end up cutting our 30 days of leave a few days short, but we'd prefer to have the extra time in Alaska to house hunt (sorry family, nothing personal) rather than try and rush the drive on the Al-Can highway.  Since we settled on a sailing date, I thought I'd call the ferry line and see if they were available.  They were.  We even got a cabin, I'm sure it will be super high class...it has a shower and sink and toilet, we even have a window :).  We can bring our own food or purchase meals at the cafeteria.  The cat stays in the car and we can visit him every 8 hours (which makes me happy knowing we don't have to worry about Bug letting him out of the cabin...that would make a fun story, I'm sure).

The few weeks leading up to this point have been a bit of a journey all on their own.  We've had a lot of ups and downs, there has been a lot of speculating and tentative planning with back up and back-back up plans.  We originally were going to fly to MI and then fly to AK, have our car shipped and make the cat get himself to AK somehow... This was all going to happen in mid June which put me at about 34-35 weeks pregnant...it was VERY hard to find the joy in that situation.  But things shifted, as they tend to do in a Military Home, and we're all very happy with how the plans are falling together.

In addition to having our ferry reservations, we also have a temporary housing reservation, and a "living wall calendar" that covers the last 60 or so days that we are in Louisiana.  I have phone numbers assigned to each step of the process, I have sticky notes that tell me to sort clothes and the filing and the junk drawers.  The major steps we need to take are still on hold until we get those precious orders in our hands and we can make 15,000 copies of them.  We aren't going to get those orders until Bug and I are cleared of needing any extra medical care of any kind.  I was told that takes 1-2 weeks...we don't have the screening until next week...so we are looking at 3 weeks until we get that coveted piece of paper.  Grumble, grumble. 

The joy in this journey---the fact I can use this as an opportunity to teach my daughter patience by example?  Blah.  I totally understand why she throws temper-tantrums.  That's much more appealing right now...  

I guess I should now go rearrange my sticky notes on the calendar so I'm doing the house organizing over the next two weeks and we'll have the last month to rush through the Army red tape.  Oh Joy :)

"After All These Years" - Journey

Just over 4 years ago I started dating the man who'd change my life in a way I'd never anticipated.
3 & 1/2 years ago I married this man.
2 years 8 months ago marks the day I became part of the Military World.

Looking back over the last 4 years, I can easily categorize big life events and the moments leading up to and following these events, as the many different journeys I've been lucky enough to embark on.  Spending a year apart from my husband during our recent deployment, gave me a lot of time (probably more than necessary) to reflect on my "life"; how I see it, and how all the aspects, people, and elements in this life mingle in and around each other.  I've come to sum it all up in one word.

Journey.

Whether we see our lives as a long-term spiritual journey to somewhere completely not of this world, or as a basic road map of the places we visit and the people we meet.  Everything we do is some form of a journey, some can be good and some can be bad depending on where we are and what we are doing, and it has become my deep belief, that it is our responsibility to learn how to find joy and love and goodness while on whatever journey we find ourselves on at the moment.

During my husband's recent deployment, I kept a 365 day blog that I initially started as a count down for me and a way for my husband to stay up on our daily lives while he was away.  It grew to be a life-saver for me. It forced me to wake up and find something good in every day that we were apart.  Some days were MUCH harder than others to find the good.  Some days I gave up and admitted that I didn't want to find anything good.  But looking back over those 365 days the percentage of those two days (especially the latter) was so minor compared to the days where I was able to smile about something.  I realized how happy I was and could be even in the worst circumstance (with my other half being thousands of miles away and in constant danger).  I decided I want to ALWAYS feel that way.  Who wouldn't?

So, the blog is back :)  Our next big adventure is a PCS move to Fairbanks, Alaska in roughly 2 months.  To add some fun and excitement to this journey, I'll be about 30 weeks pregnant.  And this trip isn't just the direct trip to Alaska, we're squeezing in a vacation to Michigan on the way (not that Michigan is on the way from Louisiana...).  I hope to keep the focus on finding the joy in this big journey and not the stress, no matter what stunt the Army red tape, or the cat, or the energetic 2 year old of ours pulls while we plan to move, move, and unpack in the Great White North!