"Looking Forward" - Crosby Stills & Nash

 So, I'm sick of being behind on my blog, so here is October through November - a brief picture story :)

 

One Oct weekend we went to meet Santa for the first time.  We spent about 10 min prior trying to explain to her who Santa was.  I'm not so sure she got the concept by the time we made it to the Jolly Man.  She carried on a pretty in depth conversation about his soft fur and the North Pole sign behind him, and the creepy elf, and her pink shirt.  You know the important stuff.

 

 I'm trying to trust my 2.5 yr old more and more.  It's hard, but she is starting to prove to me that she is capable of things.  And 99% of messes, are really not permanent.  Something can always be cleaned or replaced, clothes are meant to be warm not pristine.  I felt like I was saying "no" all the time to her.  So I decided to stop saying "no".  Was it really that big of a deal if she got her shirt covered in washable paint?  Is it really that big of a deal if I have to vacuum the dried play-dough off the carpet?  This kid really does know her boundaries and I need to give her the room to expand and explore.  So I'm working on it.  It stresses out my OCD though...but that's another issue :)

 I got to make Turkey Day dinner for us and our good friends.  I thought I had ruined the turkey (long story) but it turned out PERFECT!  Juicy and delicious and it looked good too.  The rest of the spread wasn't too bad either.  Especially the side of baby ;-)

 I knew these would get out of order...this is the post Santa meeting activity.  We got to see his reindeer.  Bug was pretty concerned that their antlers were bleeding.  Such a love.

 First time Daddy lovin' on his little girl.  Warms my heart :)  This was from Thanksgiving too...the lack of order is tugging at my OCD.

 Our first moose.  These are the two we had video of posted on FB.  We've seen them a few more times.  Once it was just mama and Caitlin was pretty upset that the baby wasn't with her.  A couple weeks later we saw them both back together-thankfully.

 2nd house project: Kitchen floor.  Success.  I love it.  It's crazy slippery in socked feet.  The 2 yr old is finding that out the hard way. 

 Believe it or not, that's Jerry Seinfeld.  Also our first time out sans both kids.  Thanks to Brad & Aleece & Family.  I had a beer-it was delicious!!

 This is my first pedicure in -0 weather conditions.  I feel like this is a rite of passage.  And yes, I drove home and walked outside like this.  Baller (or insane) I know.

 

 Veteran's Day-we listened to a book that was read by soldiers and then made these cool wreath things.  All for free :)  Good time with my Bug.

 Oh, non-chronological order you slay me...this was how we trick-or-treated.  I specifically got warm costumes and then we never even went outside...The hospital goes all out and each department dresses up in a theme and everyone walks through trick or treating :)  It's complete chaos.  But fun chaos.

 This is just our crazy kid in her natural habitat.

 Yup, some places do use the whole dial on the thermometer.

 Caitlin's new thing is to raid Miles' dresser and dress up her stuffed animals.  I will probably have to save a handful of his clothing specifically for this activity.  He's getting too big!

 This is how we ended November.  I got rear-ended by a Stryker (36,000lb armored military vehicle).  Surprisingly, this is all the damage it caused.  The glass was shattered out, there are a couple dents on either side of the Ford emblem.  That's it.  Thankfully.

Wheew, I couldn't let these pictures just go to waste.  Sorry for the whirl-windedness :)

"September In The Rain" - Frank Sinatra

I've been trying to set good routines for us when it comes to getting out of the house, and one of those out of the house activities has been Romp-Stomp.  It's a toddler get together, ultimately.  They do a craft and read a story and have play-time (indoors if weather demands).  But it's been about a group of 3-6 toddlers and I really enjoy the chance to drink coffee and watch Caitlin learn the ins and outs of other kids.

It's been kind of weird to let Caitlin get out and do things on her own.  As every parent has probably said, it's hard to do, to trust that they know what they are doing, and if they don't know what they're doing, to trust that they can figure it out.  Now I understand that this is by no means anything compared to when she turns 16 and I had her keys to a car and she gets in it without me for the first time...or that first time she is out late at a 'party'...baby steps...just thinking about it raises my blood pressure...

Anyway, we do our best to teach her by example -

- and I'm glad she usually loves every minute of those teaching moments :)

Life here is in full Autumn mode.  The leaves are beautiful.  They are either yellow or orange.  We only have 4 kinds of trees in Alaska...it's no Michigan Fall, but it's a better view than Louisiana!

"Man In The Mirror" - Michael Jackson

September gave way to finally feeling like we were back on our own.  The excitement of a new house and a new baby was over.  We now got to start "enjoying" our new things.  The baby was pretty easy, the house was a different story.  It's hard to be first time home owners with your personal handy-man (your Dad) thousands of miles away...

We worked on our first "remodel" project sans our personal handy-man.  This activity proved that my husband is my hero...I love my new cabinet.  It does look a little out of place and obvious, but I think with some love, paint, and creativity I can make it look pretty.

We have those homeowner chores like taking care of the lawn...

 I've come to realize that I may really like having two kids.  So far, they're pretty sweet to each other.

 

And now to the "serious" part of the blog...

I got involved in a group on post (PWOC- protestant women of the chapel) and I've really enjoyed meeting the women that attend the bible study every week.  It's become a really good adult-time escape for me.  Well, the day we schedule the car to get winterized is the same morning as PWOC, bummer.  I didn't let that stop me!  I have a stroller and the car care center is across the street from the hospital (where we need to drop Chad for work) and 1.1 miles from the chapel.  Totally doable.  I woke up that morning to find it was raining-of course.  We started the long day by dropping Chad off at work and grabbing breakfast at the hospital DFAC.  I chatted with my Mom and Caitlin kept herself entertained by lining all her books along the edge of the table.  It's moments like these that make me really proud of her-so simple I know...

She got paci because I wanted to make sure she stayed happy in a stroller for 1.1 miles.

Miles did awesome, the walk was pretty chilly, but I managed.  We made it to PWOC on time, but this being our 2nd or 3rd time, Caitlin wasn't convinced that this was a place for her.  She told me as we walked in that she didn't want to play with the other kids.  Great.  Well, I coaxed her into the toddler play room and sneaked out when she wasn't looking.  Big mistake.  She cried enough that they workers came to get me.  I tried to talk with her, but all she wanted to do was go home-the last thing I wanted to do, or even could do! (I didn't have a car, home was about 3 miles away...)  And I didn't want to let her win, I got super angry.  Looking back on this moment, I wonder what I actually looked like on the outside, but I was feeling pretty ugly on the inside.  At this time Miles was about 2.5-3 months old, and not sleeping long periods of time like I was hoping, so I was over tired.  Caitlin started screaming at the top of her lungs, in my attempt to quiet her and not interrupt PWOC, I stuck her in the breezeway.  Alone.  I watched her watch me through the glass doors and just scream at me.  I didn't know what to do.  So I started packing up the stroller, I tucked Miles in, grabbed our blankets and put on my wet coat, I didn't know where we were going, but I wasn't going to sit here in a chapel and be screamed at by a 2.5yr old.  As I fought to buckle Caitlin in something happened that I will hold on to as one of those "life saving moments".  A woman I had never met approached me and asked if we were leaving, when I attempted to smile and say yes without crying, she asked if she could take Caitlin to the pre-school room.  (She must have heard me trying to reason with Caitlin).  Somehow Caitlin was okay with it, she took Sam's hand and walked back into the chapel.  I stood there, nerves raw, and a little annoyed that someone else was able to fix the problem.  But deeply grateful at the same time.  I couldn't walk back into the sanctuary, I was still a ball of tears.  Someone else came to my rescue.  Someone I had talked with only a couple times prior to this day, the first time was on my first day at PWOC when I was 38 weeks pregnant.  Carrie walked out to me, gave me a hug, and stood next to me while I cried it out.  Little did I know, she would become one of my very good friends here at Ft. Wainwright :).  I share this story because it was a very raw and honest part of my journey to get to where we are in Alaska.  Just when I think I know it all (like I ever could), it's always my kids that show me otherwise.  It's humbling and hard to swallow most of the time.  During the deployment, I tried hard to not sugar coat my bad days and to not over dramatize them as well-I continue that here.  I got the "how are you doing" question often during the deployment and I wanted to be honest and transparent.  Be the change you want to see in the world, right?

 

"Cecilia" - Simon & Garfunkel

August 1st rolled around and I got to pick up my Mom!!!  She landed around 1am and got to meet Mr. Miles.  Caitlin woke up to the best surprise, MeMe was downstairs :)

I loved the extra set of hands, watching my little girl play with her Grandma, and getting to show my Mom my new home and city.

And then my Mom made me a birthday cake!!!  I haven't had a Mom-made birthday cake in years...sigh...

No one enjoyed the cake more than this kid...

A few days later, Miles got his first bath.  We don't have a normal baby bath.  We had this hammock thing that we used for Caitlin, but I don't like it, she got cold really easily unless you filled the entire bath tub and that's just a waste of water...sooooo, instead of using the hammock or buying a new bath, I shoved the kid in the sink...

 

Miles got to wear a pair of shorts, it was important to see what he looked like wearing a plaid shark.

I like it.

  

These two are quite the pair :)

Life continued to get better with the arrival of my Dad two weeks later.  This was another, "Hey Caitlin, come get out of bed and see who is here!" arrival. 

The next two weeks were a fantastic blur of great conversation, loads of helping hands, and apparently awkward moments provided by know-it-all toddlers...

My Dad discovered that Miles prefers a good back pat and head rub in order to fall into a deep deep sleep...

This kid has so much personality already, it's hilarious.  As cheesy as it sounds for a Mom to say this, I am very excited to see how this little man's personality develops.  Maybe that's the glory of having more than one kid :)

My parents are the best people in the world.  I can appreciate now - to a small extent (after having two kids) the years upon years of time and energy they put into my brother and I.  After this visit it hit me like a ton of bricks (and I'm slightly ashamed it has taken 27 years and two kids for it to hit me) - these people love me a whole hell of a lot.  And without getting all mushy and sappy (which is easy because I'm not sure I can even put the right words in order) I want to say thank you, Mom & Dad.  The life you have worked painstakingly hard to give me is beyond phenomenal.  I am who I am and where I am because of the love and hard decisions that undeniably kept you up at night.  You made the right decisions, I'm happy and healthy and feel like I have an incredible ideal to live up to when it comes to raising my own children and loving my husband.  Thank you doesn't really cut it, but that's all the English language can do! Now everyone else, go hug your parents!!! :)

"We're Having A Baby" - Desi Arnaz

Went in for my 38 week check up and discovered we're on the move!

I was starting to dilate and I was already effaced.  I told my mid-wife I had to hold out until 1 Aug, when my Mom would be arriving, the mid-wife laughed at me...

 (This is me on Thursday the 26th)

Fast-forward from Monday to Friday the 27th.

The morning didn't seem any different.  I was maybe a bit more irritated that normal when I dropped the fork under the bottom rack of the dishwasher.  I was ready to accept that the fork was gone for good.  There was no way I was stooping low enough to ever recover it, and it seemed there was no end in sight to this pregnancy...

Mid morning I thought about keeping track of my contractions, but was having a hard time doing so.  I wasn't sure if it was because they were too weak and I was missing them or if I was just too distracted having a 2 year old around to notice a contraction.  Around lunch a friend, who had just had her baby, mentioned she had an app on her phone to count contractions-genius!  I got me an app and started tracking.  I called Labor & Delivery around 2 or 3 with my contraction count and they told me to labor at home a little longer.  I wasn't convinced that I was even in labor yet.  But by 4pm, I had a little feeling-enough that I felt the need to call Chad and tell him to come home and help me pack.  I was trying to hold out until he got home from work, it was only one more hour...boy am I glad I didn't wait...

We made it to the hospital around 5pm.  They were sluggish on getting me into the observation room.  My last two contractions in the waiting room made me nervous.  Finally, they brought us back, I was 5cm-enough to admit us.  They took an immensely long time preparing our room.  Which we got to at about 6pm.  Then things got fun...

I made it clear to the nursing staff that my first labor went INCREDIBLY quickly.  The admitting nurse picked up on my mood, stopped asking health history questions, and went to get the newborn delivery table and supplies...

Shortly after getting to our room, Chad took Caitlin home for a quick dinner-the one thing I forgot to pack.  15 min after they walked out the door I sent Chad a text updating him that I was now at 9cm and 100% effaced.  No answer...bouncing on the birthing ball was no longer comfortable or relaxing.  I needed my husband.

6:45 I called.  Voicemail.  I pictured him juggling the 3 bags I packed, the food I assumed he grabbed and the toddler that has no sense of urgency.  I was trying to keep a calm face for the nursing staff.  I think they thought I had been abandoned.  I knew I hadn't, just the nature of the beast-out of all the things I packed to keep Caitlin entertained, dinner was the one thing I shouldn't have forgotten.

6:50 a knock on the door and I heard it open before anyone said come in.  I saw the look of sheer relief on everyone's faces and I knew it was Chad.  As they walked across the room, my water broke.  Chad set up The Emperor's New Groove on the laptop (for Caitlin, not me, I swear), rearranged her chair and made his way to me.  It's now 7pm.

16 min later I had a healthy baby boy in my arms.  I think there were about 4 contractions in those 16 min.  We gave him the name we came up with while we were in the car driving to Shreveport for a weekend getaway.

Miles Clayton

It finally happened.  The pregnancy was over!  That fork chilling in the bottom of the dishwasher drifted back to my thoughts.  

I finally took a breath, I hadn't realized that I stopped breathing the moment I called Chad a 4 that afternoon.  I had no idea what I was feeling or thinking or what any of this meant for our family.

Because everyone was healthy we found ourselves home 24 hours later.  That first week is a breeze, all they do is sleep!

Here's to a whole new kind of living.  I hope we like it!